Sometimes it is hard to quiet the upset frustrated part of me. I get triggered by others’ demands or criticisms– or what I perceive as so. In the heat of the moment I don’t see that I have a choice in how I decide to perceive things. After the fact, it is easy to see this. Sometimes, In the heat of the moment - if I can - I stop and take a deep breath and let the offended one inside me calm down. This does not always happen. Sometimes I am just oblivious. But when I am looking back after the fact, I shake my head at how lost I was in the moment. Why did I get triggered in the first place? Usually I am already "off my game", so sliding into this offended/defensive/explosive place happens without my noticing. Until I am there – stuck. At least it feels like I’m stuck.
How do I get “off my game”? Well first let me explain what “on my game” looks like. This is when I feel happy/joyful/at peace. This is when I am paying attention to the loveliness of the present moment. When I am appreciating what is, basking in the possibilities of life and feeling immense gratitude. I strive for this daily. But, as we all know “Life ain’t perfect”. Things happen that pull me out of this peaceful place. Sometimes it can be a slow trickle of a lot of little upsets or disappointments or frustrations. These days, there are plenty... I am adjusting (as we all are) to new ways. It feels like we are all being tested over and over.
So, when I notice that I have been pulled “off my game”, I dust myself off - apologize if needed to anyone I lashed out at – and pick back up where I left off. This is when I focus on what makes me happy and grateful. Without judgement, I just pick back up and move on. No looking back.